Have you ever found yourself facing a situation as an adult that you would almost swear you are still in elementary school? I don’t find myself in many of these situations but on occasion I do. I try to take the mature stance with the issue I face but I have concluded that it sometimes doesn’t pay to take that attitude.
Let me start by saying I have heard from many people, and outlets that office managers don’t like to act like babysitters or be referees. (This could be any adult for that matter.) I know I appreciate mature behavior from others. Office superiors should deal with people as adults, however; sometimes they encounter elementary instances that they have to manage.
Therefore I usually try to practice traditionally taught behaviors like ‘If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say nothing at all.’ Another thing I try not to do is use excesses. Time and again I have heard people say that they tire of hearing them and it doesn’t affect how they will deal with the situation. Recently I have found out that acting like an adult doesn’t pay off.
You have heard the saying, ‘The squeaky wheel gets the grease’, that’s because it is true. I found myself in this situation the other day at work. I became frustrated and angry with a co-worker who acted rather selfishly instead of employing traditional values such as ‘team work’ and ‘taking care of the company’. I admit I was storming around a bit and bumped into her. I didn’t immediately say ‘excuse me’ or ’sorry’. Instead there was some tattle tailing and accusations that happened. I didn’t use any excuse because I felt the boss doesn’t want to hear it. Besides, I was trying to act mature about it and move on. However, in light of the situation, because I didn’t defend myself, I’ve been treated by many in the office like the evil person in the situation.
If I would have defended myself, I might be respected more because then others might consider my perspective instead of siding with my co-worker. Here I am trying to be mature about the situation but I find myself facing backlash from everyone in the office because I dropped it yet the other person didn’t. I had intentions of still apologizing but her continued behavior made me feel like I shouldn’t. Since she was the squeaky wheel there was more empathy for her. Her vocalization, and continuing petty behaviors presents me with a problem. Her immature action and lack of good work ethic affects my job and what people think of me despite my continuous positive job performance. I admit that I am human and make my share of mistakes but overall I am a valuable employee.
If I condone immature behavior as an adult then I am not promoting self-sufficiency and wise decision-making for those who I may influence including my child(ren). This is a value that is held personally and socially. On the other hand, as I have learned, that at times those elementary reactions do pay off in the workplace. It is better to practice selflessness so that we take care of others and hopefully it would be done likewise. However, selfishness in certain instances seem to pay off at times. I have always hated office politics and try not to take part in them. However, if you don’t play by the rules of office politics your own position suffers. Thus, I’m at an impasse.
As a parent, I have no good advice for my child who may find themselves in this situation. In my heart and my gut I would recommend mature behavior, but in life where others don’t practice it, it doesn’t pay off.
I can only hope that the person who’s placed in the middle values the same things I do and recognizes and appreciates it likewise. Will I continue to behave the same way? Should I take my cue from others and follow? Should I lead by example yet my attitude may pay off? I don’t know. I can only pray about it and live for the things that really matter in my life.
Oke, ini emang buku lama..Tapi nggak tau kenapa, gara-gara baca reviewnya di Amazon, kok jadi tertarik. Dan ternyata udah nggak ada di toko-toko buku, jadi akhirnya belanja online deh =)
Menurut kebanyakan review, buku ini tuh termasuk buku yang “haunting“. Kalo terjemahan Indonesianya, apa ya…hmm..”menghantui” gitu? hueheuheue….Ya pokoknya, endingnya tuh bikin kita terbayang-bayang terus sampai beberapa saat setelah selesai membaca.
Ceritanya berputar di antara tiga tokoh utama, yang awalnya nggak ada hubungan satu sama lain. Leopold Gursky, pria tua kesepian yang mengungsi ke Amerika dari tanah kelahirannya di Polandia pada zaman Nazi memorak-porandakan desanya. Lalu ada Alma Singer, gadis remaja yang dinamai menurut nama tokoh sebuah buku berjudul The History of Love, buku yang sangat bersejarah bagi kedua orang tuanya. Juga ada Zvi Litvinoff, penulis buku The History of Love yang hidupnya sangat misterius.
Demikian cerita ketiga orang ini saling bertautan satu sama lain, seperti benang-benang kusut yang diurai perlahan oleh sang pengarang, Nicole Krauss. Gaya narasi yang berbeda antar tokoh yang dibuat secara cermat, membuat kita mudah berdaptasi dengan masing-masing karakter dan mengenal pribadi mereka lebih dalam. Bagaimana hidup mereka yang tampak tidak berhubungan satu sama lain, pelan-pelan mulai terkuak. Latar belakang kota New York yang dipenuhi imigran dari seluruh dunia juga terasa sangat pas dengan cerita ini.
Ada juga beberapa karakter sampingan yang ternyata memegang peranan penting dalam cerita ini: Bird, adik laki-laki Alma yang fanatik terhadap agamanya dan menganggap dirinya salah satu orang pilihan Tuhan; Bruno, sahabat Leopold yang setia; dan Isaac Moritz, pengarang terkenal yang merupakan bagian masa lalu Leopold.
Sampai akhir cerita, ada beberapa pertanyaan kita yang masih belum terjawab. Penasaran sih pastinya, tapi mungkin inilah sebabnya buku ini disebut-sebut sebagai buku yang “haunting“. A very nice experience, indeed.
I took an Adult Psychology course as part of my Psychology minor, and our final research paper involved applying what we had learned to an interview with an elderly family member and I chose my 80-year-old grandma in Wisconsin. It features the most indecipherable comment on a paper I have ever received from a prof, which took me an entire summer to decipher. It looked like ___—///// and turned out to say ‘very good discussion.’ Anywho. Enjoy.
Running head: APPLICATION OF AGING AND DEVLOPMENT
Interview and Application of Development and Aging Information
Aaron Tank
Adult Psychology
Prof. Earl Bland
April 18, 2009
Abstract
The author conducted an interview with his 84-year-old grandmother, Wisconsin native Carol Tank, to gain some personal insight into the processes and challenges of aging. Topics covered included income, travel, medical costs, and physical issues such as mobility. These topics were examined in relation to the author’s own life and the way these insights related to the way he would approach his own aging process. It was realized that by understanding the challenges and fears of growing old ahead of time one can be more thoroughly prepared and approach old age with a perspective that allows one to fully enjoy the benefits and potentials of old age, rather than being mired in an endless sea of worries and losses.
Interview and Application of Development and Aging Information
Introduction
For this paper, I interviewed my 84-year-old Grandma Tank about some of the difficulties and experiences of aging and growing old. We discussed several topics, such as travel, money, health care, and physical stamina issues; I will discuss each one in detail, and compare her experiences to the findings of research studies. Finally, I will discuss how I can use the information I have gathered from my grandma and the research to help prepare for my own old age and enable myself to be better adapt to any similar changes and difficulties I will encounter. Growing older involves a great many difficult and frustrating challenges, and information is one of the best ways to be prepared for these challenges.
Interview
I also tried to interview my 72-year-old grandpa, but he told me that in order for him to be eligible for the topic of this paper, I’ll have to call him back in twenty-five years. So, I am therefore limited to the interview with my grandma (on my father’s side); but that’s okay.
My grandma was born Carol Kupsh in 1926, the daughter of a factory-worker in rural Wisconsin, one of six children growing up during the Great Depression. When she was 8, her father purchased his own cheese factory, gas station and convenience store to supplement the family’s income; to provide an example of the family’s difficult times, she tells a story about a time when one of the family’s dogs was hit by a car on the highway. Her pragmatic little brother mourned his passing by asking, “Can’t we scrape the fur off and make sausage out of him?”
She was divorced from her husband of 37 years, Max, in 1984 after having five children. One of her daughters, Maxine, born in 1953, had Downs syndrome and lived with Carol until she died of complications of a stroke and Alzheimer’s in 2002; she has lived on her own ever since, recently moving out of the home she’d lived in since the 1950’s to take an apartment in a complex geared towards independent “young-at-hearts.”
With that said to provide some background information, we can now move on to the information we discussed in the interview.
Challenge #1- Travel
My grandma is a very tough and independent lady; perhaps as a result of her divorce and spending such a long time on her own and caring for an adult child requiring constant care and attention. She is an avid reader, and also an avid world traveler; she has gone on multiple tours of Europe with her sisters, most recently when she was 75. However, she is now nearly a decade older, and while her love for travel is unabated she no longer feels able to do so. As she says with a smile, “I’m an old lady now; I can’t get around like I used to.”
It is common for people to find it quaint or humourous to hear about an old lady traveling the world more-or-less on her own, especially with pop-culture figures such as Estelle Winslow, the motorcycle-riding, skydiving grandma from Family Matters, in the pop-culture consciousness; however, it is actually not as uncommon as it would seem. According to the German Institute of Tourism, seventy-six percent of those in their mid-fifties and forty-three percent of those aged 79 are still traveling out of the country annually. One suggested reason for this large percentage is that the newly-retired are adjusting to their newfound free time, and one way to compensate for the unfamiliar sensation of not working is to simply travel as much as possible, spending time away from home to distract from the awkwardness of retirement. (“Old? Me?,” 2004) This reasoning would seem to hold up with what my grandma has experienced; she worked for many years at a small, local laundromat and has said she misses the constant interaction with friends and customers; this could be a contributing factor to her enjoyment of travel as it gives her some time to spend with friends.
Challenge #2- Decreased Income
The next thing my grandma covered was the problem of her income; she has been single for nearly thirty years and so has been accustomed to surviving on a very limited, single-income means; however, she has stopped working in the last few years and has been living solely on Social Security and Medicare. Her youngest sister sends her some money now and then, instructing her that “This money is for you, you’re not allowed to save it, you have to spend it to do something fun for yourself.” She said that that is a very nice thing for her, as apart from that she must be very frugal to cover her expenses such as rent, groceries, and other sundries while also saving up for emergencies.
In fact, in order to save some money she recently moved out of the house she has lived in for the last several decades to move into a small, comfortable apartment in West Bend that she can afford more easily; with the removal of various household upkeep costs and the smaller space to maintain and clean, she is able to live more comfortably and spend less money overall, while also living in a community with many other people of her approximate age and social status, giving her access to a viable and enjoyable social setting; however, she did say, “I’m still not old enough to join the old ladies for bingo night.”
The financial concerns my grandma Carol faces are not uncommon for the elderly; many people, especially divorcees and those who were not life-long workers, find themselves in a difficult fixed-income situation where they must rely on government support in order to survive, and there is little wiggle room for waste; according to the Economist, “the average pensioner typically receives only 45% of the income he (or she) earned before retirement (“Enough to live,” 2004).” It is recommended that a retirement plan consist of a three-legged stool made up of social security benefits, one’s employee pension/retirement benefits, and personal savings, and most Americans do successfully meet this goal and are to able to retire with sufficient savings to be comfortable (Scholz 2006).
However, this situation does not apply to all older people; if they have gone through a divorce, lost their spouse, or have never married, 40% of elderly women rely solely on their Social Security checks (O’Shaughnessy, 2008) My grandma was wise enough to save money away and so with her benefits and savings she is able to live very comfortably within her means; however for some this fixed-income status, with no option to simply work some overtime to pay off a sudden bill, can be a terrifying trap– a single large medical bill or lingering credit card debt can be enough to force someone out of retirement to cover these expenses (Dinnen, 2004).
Furthermore, the formula used to determine how much a senior will get from Social Security assumes that they only need 92% of the income of younger adults (O’Shaughnessy, 2008), and with the current rates of inflation and increasing cost of all goods, this figure has been rapidly out-dated, but is still the one in use. Also, social security and Medicare costs are expected to increase at a steady rate over the next few years, until by 2040 the costs of the two programs will be a full 15% of our country’s GDP (Browning, 2008), meaning much higher costs to taxpayers and seniors. And with better than a quarter of the average Social Security check going into Medicare payments already (O’Shaughnessy, 2008), these additional costs can become a serious problem.
The picture is not totally bleak, of course; as was discussed in a class lecture, the majority of the elderly are financially secure, with only a 10.2% poverty rate as of the 2003 census.
Challenge #3- Medical/Emotional Support The next challenge my grandma talked to me about was securing medical support; she said that as an older woman, the security of knowing she would be taken care of if she becomes ill is very important. Living on a fixed income, a sudden illness could easily wipe out her savings and require the majority of her monthly income to pay any expenses. Currently, however, most of her medications are covered by Medicare, leaving her with little out-of-pocket expense in that arena.
She has been well cared-for; for many years she has been to the same dentist, and he has allowed her to make payments of whatever size she can whenever she is able, understanding her limitations with money. In fact, to save money, she recently had all of her teeth removed to save on the dental costs. The care was becoming increasingly expensive and she had begun to lose some of her teeth, so her dentist suggested having her teeth removed outright and switching to dentures, preventing even further pain and cost.
She also mentioned how, especially in the years right after Maxine– her daughter who lived with Downs syndrome for 49 years– had died, she required a lot of both emotional and financial support. “I had to stay busy and keep on top of things, even when I didn’t feel like taking care of myself.” Her daughters, Marsha and Maria, were there to care for her and ensure that she was in good shape during this difficult time by visiting her frequently and helping her to meet bills, finish chores, and simply provide companionship and comfort in that difficult time—for which my grandma was very, very grateful and still is.
As previously mentioned, Medicare costs are increasing. A class lecture mentioned that the average senior citizen spends 19% of their income on health care; however, the savings to seniors are enormous and much-appreciated. Ninety-two percent of adults report that they are satisfied with their Medicare coverage (“Adults Satisfied,” 2009); furthermore, enrollees in Medicare are almost three times as likely to rate their coverage as “Excellent” than their peers enrolled in an employer-sponsored plan through a private company (Mahon, 2002).
Also, my grandma pointed out about her daughters helping her through a tough time. Class discussion mentioned the positive and negative effects of co-residence with one’s children; there is an increased chance for generativity, as one can feel a closer relationship and chance to take part in the lives of further generations. However, the loss of independence can be an important concern as well.
Research has been done, however, to show that a social support group consisting of one’s family and friends is a powerful force for helping in one’s day-to-day functions. A study found that a strong social support group increased the self-efficacy and performance of those dealing with a high degree of stressors by an average of 8%; the effect of the support was greater for those under higher degrees of stress (Rees, Freeman, 2009)
Challenge #4- Physical Stamina and Mobility
My grandma, as I mentioned towards the beginning of the paper, could easily be described as ‘feisty.’ She traveled the world into her late 70’s, and still travels the country and enjoys getting out and about as much as she can. However, she does admit that age is catching up with her. A lifetime of little complaints has slowly taken its toll, resulting in a decline of the amount of mobility and stamina she is able to access.
She suffered a torn rotator cuff during her last trip to Europe when she fell from a trolley, and still suffers persistent shoulder pain and is unable to raise her arm above her head. This affects her day-to-day life because she must keep her house organized and items must be stored lower down, so that she can reach them without hurting herself. Her life also involves a certain amount of just day-to-day stiffness and discomfort. “I used to work like a horse all the time, but now I take it slow, and can pretty much tell in the mornings if it’s a day to go out or just stay in and rest based on how I feel.”
Another large part of her mobility is driving; she has only learned to drive recently, and must choose very carefully when to drive or not depending on weather, traffic, etc: “It’s stressful enough for me as it is, without having to worry about all that extra Stuff.” She also must plan her trips carefully so that she can avoid the freeways as much as possible, preferring to stick to slower surface streets and avoid the stress and challenge of the highway.
However, she is still able to get out and about—after her oldest sister passed away last year she traveled to Chicago to help her care-dependent nephew move—but has said that travel has lost some of it’s allure. “It’s a lot of stress and difficulty, and I think I’m at the stage of my life where I would prefer to spend the day reading a good book rather than dealing with all of that.”
As discussed in class, growing old involves a number of difficult transitions; loss often seems to be the closest companion to the aging soul. The loss of the basic freedom of mobility and physical dependence, and even of one’s very body, is a disheartening and potentially crushing thing to deal with.
Transportation is a significant worry for many senior citizens; 82% of Americans over 65 say that they worry about being ‘stranded’ when they can no longer drive (Doulin, 2006), and many are forced to rely on public transit or getting a ride from a friend or relative. As many as 5% of drivers over 70 give up their licenses voluntarily each year (Doulin, 2006) for a wide variety of reasons, however most relate to health concerns presenting hazards to other drivers. According to one elderly driver who yielded his license, “It is all about being real with yourself, and asking yourself if you can handle the responsibility of operating a vehicle in your present state of mind and health.” (Middlebrooks, 2007)
There are more limitations to mobility than transport; physical aches and pains, as well as the reduced stamina that comes with old age, are another part of the process. An estimated 21 percent of older Americans are living with arthritis, and that number is expected to increase by 40% by 2030 (Shedden, 2008). This sort of pain makes life much more complicated than many are used to, though simple lifestyle changes and exercise can help minimize these difficulties (McCarthy, 2000).
Self-Application
I was able to learn a lot from this interview about what I can expect for myself as I begin to grow old. My grandma has always been a very important person to me, and has influenced my life in many ways throughout my life; in fact, we are very much alike in a lot of ways. We both love reading more than almost anything, although she will say ‘Life is too short to read a bad book, and there’s too many good books to waste time reading any of them more than once,” whereas I have to complete any book I start no matter how horrid and revisit my favorites time and again. But I digress.
We both loves books, travel, spending time with our families, and love to just take it easy and enjoy life in a quiet, introverted way. I found it interesting that my 16-PF personality profile reflected this fairly accurately, saying that I am more abstracted (‘more’ as in a 10 on Abstractedness) and enjoy being able to spend time on own (9 on Privateness and 2 on Social Boldness).
I think that one struggle I will face as I grow older will be the loss of independence; I am very solo-oriented, and don’t like having to rely on others for things, so needing to always ask somebody else for a ride or not being able to travel as much as I’d like could easily be challenges for me.
I feel that my grandmother has accepted her old age with integrity, as defined in Erikson’s life stages. She is not in denial of her age, but is rather embracing it as an opportunity to slow down and enjoy life and read some books. While she certainly has disappointments such as her divorce and painful memories such as the loss of her daughter, she does not allow those to hinder her life but rather integrates them into a healthy viewpoint on life, using the perspectives such events have given her to evaluate and understand her life’s purpose.
I feel that I will be able to also reach my old age on the side of Integrity, but I also believe it will be a struggle; according to my 16-PF I am a very untrusting, highly anxious and somewhat tense individual who is ‘very likely to take things personally’ and let failures and disappointments bother me for a long time. I also know that I am very slow to accept people into my trust, which could lead to challenges later in life as I encounter life events that will require me to seek the help of others. With that said, I should be mindful for the onset of Despair so that I can re-evaluate my life process and work to become a more useful older person.
I will also have to be even more mindful of financial issues than my grandma. She has had to spend her entire life being careful with her money, and this skill has enabled her to confront the financial challenges inherent to a fixed income with relative ease; however, by the time I reach old age there will be one major hurdle that I will have to encounter which will greatly impact my future: the depletion of Social Security and Medicare. The current depletion dates for both are 2041 and 2019 respectively (Browning, 2008); what this means for me is that by the time I am 31 Medicare will no longer be available and Social Security will be gone before I reach my mid-50’s. The loss of these critical financial support systems means I must be prepared to rely much more heavily on my own financial considerations such as savings, stocks, and pension to survive post-retirement.
And finally, I believe that understanding some of the difficulties my grandma faces with pain and mobility issues will allow me to be better prepared for them in my own life; I already deal with them to an extent at present. I suffer from chronic back and joint pain due in part to an injury in elementary school, and the pain has grown progressively worse over the last several years, to the point where I am already using a cane to get around– at the age of 21. I have often thought to myself that if I am moving like an old man at my age, what sort of limitations am I looking at forty years down the road? It’s something that has caused me a deal of concern, but I believe that understanding these future limitations now will help me handle them when they do arrive; both psychologically by being prepared for what may happen, and physically by beginning now to exercise and prolong my health as long as possible.
As indicated by my personality profile, I am an extremely abstract thinker and tend to be disordered; therefore I am not good at details and looking at a situation in concrete terms, tending rather to examine it in a sort of generic ‘thingness.’ In that way also this interview has helped me, by providing a look at details that I otherwise would not have ever considered until they were right upon me.
Conclusion
In summary, from the interview with my Grandma Carol I was able to gain a clear and personal understanding of the changes and challenges that old age presents; everything from the expected physical problems to some less-obvious issues such as diminished independence, to even more esoteric details such as the amount of time one is able to spend with one’s children at that age. Old age is inescapable, but the way that we are prepared to approach it and the mindset that we have will determine whether old age is a nightmarish prison, or just another stage of life full of opportunities, good books, and tuna sandwiches.
Bibliography
Adults satisfied with Medicare. (2009, February). Journal of Gerontological Nursing, Retrieved April 22, 2009, from CINAHL with Full Text database.
Browning, E. (2008, Summer2008). The Anatomy of Social Security and Medicare. Independent Review, 13(1), 5-27. Retrieved April 21, 2009, from Academic Search Complete database.
Dinnen, S. (2004, July 26). Elderly parent’s fixed income leaves few solutions to pay off debt. Christian Science Monitor, 96(168), 16. Retrieved April 21, 2009, from Academic Search Complete database.
Doulin, T. (2006, July 13). Options limited for senior citizens who can’t drive: Demand expected to rise in future as population ages. Columbus Dispatch, The (OH), Retrieved April 22, 2009, from Newspaper Source database.
Enough to live on. (2004, March 27). Economist, Retrieved April 21, 2009, from Academic Search Complete database.
Mahon, Mary (2002, October 9). Survey: Medicare Beneficiaries Report Greater Satisfaction With Insurance, Better Access To Care Than Enrollees In Employer-Sponsored Plans. Retrieved April 22, 2009, from The Commonwealth Fund Web site: http://www.commonwealthfund.org/Content/News/News-Releases/2002/Oct/Survey–Medicare-Beneficiaries-Report-Greater-Satisfaction-With-Insurance–Better-Access-To-Care-Tha.aspx
McCarthy, S. (2000, November). you don’t have TO GROW OLD. Health, 14(9), 97. Retrieved April 19, 2009, from Academic Search Complete database.
Middlebrooks, J. Rica (2007, January 2). Too Old to Drive? Does Giving Up Our Driver’s License Means Relinquishing Freedom?. Retrieved April 22, 2009, from Associated Content Web site: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/123748/too_old_to_drive_does_giving_up_our_pg3.html?cat=12
Old? Me?. (2004, March 27). Economist, Retrieved April 20, 2009, from Academic Search Complete database.
O’Shaughnessy, L. (n.d.). Rising prices hammer seniors on fixed incomes. USA Today, Retrieved April 21, 2009, from Academic Search Complete database.
Rees, T., & Freeman, P. (2009, February). SOCIAL SUPPORT MODERATES THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN STRESSORS AND TASK PERFORMANCE THROUGH SELF-EFFICACY. Journal of Social & Clinical Psychology, 28(2), 244-263. Retrieved April 22, 2009, from Academic Search Complete database.
Scholz, J., Seshadri, A., & Khitatrakun, S. (2006, August). Are Americans Saving Optimally for Retirement?. Journal of Political Economy, 114(4), 607-643. Retrieved April 21, 2009, from SocINDEX with Full Text database.
Shedden, M. (2008, April 4). Aging Boomers Find Arthritis Is A Real Pain. Tampa Tribune (FL), Retrieved April 22, 2009, from Newspaper Source database.
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Judul: The History of Love (Sejarah Cinta)
