I. Ephesians 5:22-6:4 Considered
Ephesians 5:22-6:4 gives an outline of a Spirit-filled and unified family. This is God’s design for the family. This should be every household’s goal. The husband is ordained to leadership and accountable for his household. He should take the initiative for the direction and unity of his wife and children. This does not give a husband license to be a dictator. It is the responsibility of a man to raise his son to lead like this. Therefore, Christian men that aspire to marriage should always be honing leadership qualities and character.
Since the theme of Ephesians is unity, it is a no-brainer that Paul teaches the Ephesian churches in this epistle about practical unity between children and their parents. The child still at home is to obey his/her parents. This passage makes an obvious reference to Exodus 20. In Old Testament times in Israel, there were no government programs to enforce obedience to parents. There were no reform schools. If a child wandered from the faith or lived a rebellious lifestyle against his mother and father, he was stoned by the assembly. No “if’s” or “but’s” about it. The provision in the Mosaic Law that held children in check from rebelliously leaving the faith and staunchly dishonoring their parents was the fear of capital punishment. Capital punishment was not so much a provision for parents to demand blind obedience from their children, but was to reinforce faithfulness to Jehovah through the Mosaic covenant.
Today, a child still retains the God-given responsibility to obey and honor the parents. The terms “obedience” and “honour” are both used in Eph. 6. They are both commands. However, the terms are not synonymous. “Obey” means to heed or conform to authority. Children within the household are to obey their parents because ultimately they are obeying God. Little children do not always have the experience, foresight, wisdom, or discernment to make solid and wise life decisions. Therefore, children need to obey their parents because their mother and father often do possess these qualities. “Honour” retains a different definition than “obey.” “Honour” means to fix a valuation upon or to revere (Strong’s Concordance). Obedience means to follow in suit while honor means to give a good name. Obedience is a temporary responsibility until adulthood. Honor is a permanent responsibility (http://drtimwhite.com/category/ephesians-class/). A child must obey until he leaves home, but he must honor for the rest of his life.
Blind obedience is not what it takes to honor a parent. Living a life surrendered to God and His plan is what it takes to honor a parent. Everywhere we go, we must always be giving our parents a good name. Our lifestyle and level of commitment to God best determines what kind of reputation we are giving our parents. If we live lifestyles that honor our parents and are pleasing to God, we will not contract diseases from sinful habits (lung cancer, liver problems, STD’s). We will most likely live a long life span. This is a general principle. Surely we cannot say every young person or teenager who has died, did so because they disobeyed and dishonored their parents. That is simply not the case and Scripture does not give us the freedom to place God in that strict of a box. As an example, there were several kings in Israel and Judah that lived lives dishonoring to their parents, but they still lived long lives (they were the exceptions, rather than the rule). And vice-versa, Absolom was a son who’s life was cut short because of his dishonoring choices. If we rebel against parents and God and pursue a sinful lifestyle, God will let us feel the consequences of being a lifetime smoker or alcoholic-that’s a promise.
The last verse in this portion of Scripture is an exhortation to the parents. The authority parents have while their children are immature and still within the household is not permanent dictatorial rights to micromanage. The phrase “bring them up” literally means “raise them to maturity.” Again, we are hinted that parental authority is temporary and not permanent. The goal is to raise kids who are Spiritually mature in the Lord (e.g. “bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”) who can make their own decisions based on Scripture and leadership of the Holy Spirit.
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